I reckon I am suffering from social anxiety |
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By element3254  That part of the year aka the dreaded holiday season is upon us again; it is particularly depressing for me because there's virtually no one to hang out with. No close friends to meet or plan gatherings. Only me, myself and I. Despite trying not to blame myself too much for this somewhat self-inflicted "predicament", admittedly it hurts every time I think about it. Going into university, I was hoping things would be different but nope, nothing's changed. People are everywhere, I am acquainted with plenty of folks, yet not a single soul I could legitimately call a friend. I am not antisocial per se; I do enjoy having company. In fact I become an entirely different person around others - sociable and friendly to a fault. No one would expect that on the inside, I am actually feeling crushed. These few weeks for example were sheer torture, what with possessing countless negative thoughts and fervently trying to cast them aside by pursuing mindless entertainment. I once attempted going out alone, truth be told it felt darn horrible. Every moment spent gazing at clusters of happy humans going about their routines together made me realize this was a bad idea. I yearn to ask someone, anyone out.....however I just couldn't. It's not that I don't want to. I want to reach out to my peers, catch up with and better understand them but I simply can't bring myself to do so. Each time I open the texting keyboard, my mind goes blank, my hands freeze and I end up completely incapable of composing a line. Hell I can't even schedule a doctor's appointment of late. Might it be me overcontemplating the nitty gritty, always too fearful of imposing on others? How can I become less inhibitive and perhaps learn to throw caution to the wind on occasion? It seriously sucks that herculean efforts must be made to forge viable friendships, at least for moi. Anyways thanks for listening to my rant; here's wishng all a holly jolly Christmas whilst I retreat into my shell. |
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YOU MAY WISH TO READ: Bullied and ignored in sec school, I was once even nearly committed to IMH This is not the life I want. It never rains but pours. This JC kid is nearing rock bottom |
